Title: The Way I Used to Be
Author: Amber Smith
ISBN: 978 1481 4493 66
Publisher: McElderry Books
Pages: 385
Source: Private copy
Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.
What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, all while learning to embrace the power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.
Official Summary
26 March 2024
One of my many goals for 2023 was to read sadder books. And although I normally had to read an easier, lighter book between them, I had a fun time torturing myself. So I read books like the first two books in the Boys of Tommen series. As well as books like If He Had Been with Me and Girl in Pieces. However, I can confidently say this is the saddest book I have ever personally read. Although I do recommend reading my review on those other books I read this year.
This book follows Eden. In the first chapter, when she is just fourteen years old she is sexually assaulted in her own house. The book has you follow Eden throughout her High School years as she comes to terms with what happened to her and how that trauma eats her alive as she is too afraid to tell anyone in her life what happened including her parents.
You watch as Eden goes down a dark path over four years. You watch as she changes into a bitter person and pushes everyone who cares about her away. There are times when you just want to yell at Eden because of her obvious self-destruction. And yes I know it is normal for her to do all these things after all the trauma she goes through but it does not mean it was easy to watch as she destroyed everything in her life.
I think one of the most heartbreaking parts of the story is how you watch as people who care about Eden start to abandon her because she treats them so badly. And it hurts because you understand why they are distancing themselves from her but at the same time you just want to yell at them to see the signs that they keep missing.
Overall I think this book’s message is very important and I would recommend this book to anyone looking for their soul to be ripped out of their body because that is how it made me feel.
Also by Amber Smith
THE WAY I AM NOW
Eden and Josh never had a fair shot at a healthy relationship. When they dated in high school, they each had their own problems getting in the way of the deep connection they felt toward one another. Unbeknownst to Josh, Eden was carrying the burden of a devastating sexual assault, while Josh was coping with his own private struggle of having an alcoholic father.
Months after Eden and two other girls publicly accuse their rapist, Eden is starting college while her case goes to trial. Now when she and Josh reconnect, it seems like it might finally be in the right place at the right time for them to make it work. But is their love strong enough to withstand the challenges and chaos of college and the crushing realities of a trial that will determine whether Eden gets the justice she deserves?
About The Author
Author Bio from the Author’s Site
Amber Smith is the New York Times bestselling author of several novels for young adults, including the international bestseller, The Way I Used to Be, as well as her critically acclaimed sophomore novel, The Last to Let Go, award-winning Something Like Gravity, and most recently, The Way I Am Now, the highly anticipated sequel to BookTok sensation, The Way I Used to Be. Along with her middle-grade debut, Code Name: Serendipity, she also contributed to the award-winning YA anthology, Our Stories, Our Voices. An advocate for increased awareness of mental health, gendered violence, and LGBTQIA+ equality, she writes in the hope that her books can help to foster change and spark dialogue. She grew up in Buffalo, New York, and now lives in Charlotte, North Carolina, with her wife and their ever-growing family of rescued dogs and cats.
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See you soon….
