09 September 2022

Understanding the emotions experienced by a parent who lost a child is no easy feat. I am not sure you can ever truly grasp that pain unless you have experienced the loss of a child yourself. Alison Gaylin explores those emotions in this book. Be warned, the author does a magnificent job, by the time you have reached the last page of this book you will feel as if you have suffered the loss of your child.

This book was my second Gaylin book, I read “If I Die Tonight” in October 2017 and flipping through my reading journal I am reminded that I loved the book at the time. I cannot believe I have not come across this author since then. Alison Gaylin draws on deep emotions to tell a story that will leave you reading late into the night. She draws you in and delivers one twist after the other in this hair-raising tale that will leave you wondering how you would react in a similar situation.

Five years ago Camille Gardener lost her fifteen-year-old daughter. Camille is understandably heartbroken, but she is also angry. She struggles to accept that the boy responsible for her loss is living his life and making his parents proud. As a family, they are completely unaware of the pain she is in, they do not care.

Camille finds herself drawn onto the dark web where she befriends a group of women who share her feelings. They openly discuss their loss and describe in graphic detail the suffering they would like to inflict on those who took their children from them. Unsure if this is anything more than therapeutic role play, Camille finds herself partaking in tasks as instructed by 0001 – the leader of the collective. While her ’tasks’ gives her a purpose and leave her feeling alive for the first time in ages, Camille cannot help but ask questions. The more she learns about the women of the collective, and herself, the more at risk she becomes. Is it possible for Camille to escape this group with her life?

The emotions run deep in this book. I found myself sharing Camille’s anger and understanding her need for revenge. The idea of watching your child’s murderer flourish and never being held accountable for his actions is unbearable. The mothers sharing their stories will leave your hair standing on ends.  You will not want to put this book down. I could not read this fast enough.

Camille is a brilliant creation. This mother has reached rock bottom after the death of her child. She is consumed with anger and guilt, unable to get through a day without the help of medication. Placing herself in the same room as the boy responsible for her daughter’s death she is determined that eventually, this spoilt rich kid will understand what he has done. When her crazed screaming is caught on video and shared on social media, everyone is convinced that Camille is unstable. I loved the way she found purpose in her little tasks for the collective and her determination to do what is right adds to her appeal. This woman, while far from perfect is guaranteed to steal your heart.

This book is one of my five-star reads for the year. I could not get enough. This is a gripping read that will get deep under your skin as you find yourself rooting for the moms to get the justice they crave.

If you have not read an Alison Gaylin book before, what are you waiting for? This book is a fantastic read that should be on your TBR. Every mother out there should read this book, because no matter how gruesome the tale is, the author reminds us that nothing is guaranteed. Spending time with your children should be a priority because you never know what tomorrow might bring.